Coping With Grief--- Stories from the ICU

"The call was saturated in tears, weeping, and praying as they watched their father, grandfather, and husband take his last breath. I was crying alongside his family"

No matter what you or a loved one is going through, everyone handles stress, loss, and grief differently. It is so important to understand that everyone handles these situations differently. What helps you may not help someone else and vice versa. There is no one correct way to mourn.

Starting out in nursing everyone has this fire and drive knowing they’re about to start their career doing public service, helping people the best they can. The only problem is nursing school does not prepare you for the loss that comes along with this job. No matter how hard you work and how hard you try, there will be patient loss. 

Starting as a new grad during covid in the ICU, I felt this to an extreme along with many fellow coworkers. I came out of nursing school thinking “I can finally help save lives”. Boy was I wrong. Everywhere I looked, patients were dying. It took months until we had a survival, and even then, it was a long road ahead for those patients. I kept thinking to myself, “What is the point?” I thought this walking in and out of my shifts every single day. We fight so hard for our patients, and sometimes it just isn’t enough. 

I struggled mentally and emotionally with the fact that nothing was good enough. It took a while for me to discover my own coping mechanisms and how to grieve appropriately. Some people tell nurses to turn off their emotions in front of the families. I believe this is appropriate in some situations, but why should we be made out to look heartless? A human life was lost, we are allowed to show emotion if we feel we should. 

I had a patient in 2021, a farmer in his 70’s. We bonded over the outdoors and our families, and we spent 8 nights straight together while I progressively watched his condition get worse and worse. Every night we would Facetime his family to give him the outside connection he was looking for, and I began to grow close to them too. I had one night off and told him I would be back the next night. On my arrival to the unit after my night off, he had been intubated and he was now maxed on 3 pressors and was getting increasingly worse. His family still wanted to Facetime, so I called them like normal and talked to them for a while; holding the camera up to the father, grandfather, and husband that was dying before our eyes. 

It did not take long for the family to decide to withdraw care because it was inevitable either way. They requested to Facetime while we terminally extubated their loved one. The call was saturated in tears, weeping, and praying as they watched their father, grandfather, and husband take his last breath. I was crying alongside his family.

What experiences do you have with grief in healthcare?

Written By: ICU Nurse Em 

Comment below on how you have handled grief! You can also reach Em by Email at Nurse_Em@Nursecheats.com

Check out our nurse hacks to make #nurselife easier! ---> Here